Waiting for Better

About eight weeks ago, we discovered that we are pregnant. I had been feeling weird all week – moody and annoyed. The Saturday morning of General Conference, I finally took a pregnancy test. You already know that it was positive, but after taking fertility meds for two-and-a-half years to get pregnant with Claire, I am much more familiar with the negative results on that little piece of plastic than I am with the positive two lines. In fact, I’m so familiar with only one line that when it was positive for Avery, and again for this third child, I didn’t believe it. Dustin didn’t either. We expect my body to behave abnormally, so when it performs the way it should, we are stunned to put it mildly. We are stunned and thrilled. Then, the ‘morning’ sickness kicks in, and I have a pretty dang hard time being happy about anything.

I am such a baby when I don’t feel well.

Even now the morning sickness continues, and I am sitting on the couch waiting. Waiting for it to be over. Waiting to feel good again. Waiting to enjoy food again. Waiting for the baby to get bigger. And, I’m driving myself nuts because one of the things I learned most acutely throughout Claire’s cancer treatment was to never wait for anything to get better. Better is relative, and better just might be what you have right now.

So, here I am trying to give myself a pep talk. My talk to myself for eight weeks of morning sickness and fatigue has been something like this, “But you didn’t even have to do fertility! Isn’t that great?! And, you’ve always hoped there was another little one meant for your family. Now you know that there is! And, you better not miss out on this time with your beautiful girls, Claire and Avery. They’ll need to know you love them extra-special once this baby arrives, and well, you aren’t doing so much in that department right now. Come on! Better is now! You already have better!”

And, I think of Claire a lot, and how awful she felt for so long only she had no idea that she would ever feel anything different. She barely complained, and the minute she felt better, even minutely, she was playing with as much energy as she could muster.

I know the morning sickness will sincerely get better around week 15 or 16, so I have a few more weeks to go, and I’m thinking I should revel a little in the fact that taking a nap on the couch every afternoon while the girls watch Bambi is to be expected. That could be ‘better,’ right? A nap everyday? Plus, I pretty much only eat carbs right now, which are my favorite anyway, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for that at 13 weeks pregnant, should I? That could my ‘better’ today. No guilt about not eating my vegetables? Pre-nates should take care of the deficiency, right?

I guess my real point is that even with the pep talk and thinking about the positive side, I’m still waiting for better. I have a hard time motivating myself to do anything more than laundry and nightly meals when I’m feeling so crummy, and even those simple things seem overwhelming.

Still, better is just around the corner.

We’ll talk more then.


  1. When you can't change your circumstances, change your expectations. You might not be able to take the girls to the park or on other adventures, but that doesn't mean they won't love the quiet time you have while you're sick. Movies, books on cd, watching them color, etc. It's all still quality time. Or, my favorite, hand them a brush and let them brush your hair. My kids loved doing this for me. :) Hope you feel better soon. :)

  2. Carbs, naps...it's all good. Power through however you can. I think you're on the right track with your positive thinking, and "better is now" is a great message to contemplate.

  3. I think you're amazing! Just remember that this is a relatively short period of time in the grand scheme of things and your girls will most likely not remember the times you laid on the couch while they played around you. I'm so excited that you're having another baby! Yay! :-)

  4. Oh Sally, I wish I could come there right now to do your laundry and cook your family's meals for you! I'm so sorry you are feeling so crummy!!
    Maybe you and the girls should just come here now... you can lay on the couch and watch chick flicks, sleep and eat all the carbs you want and the girls can help me work on all the wedding stuff! I can wish, can't I? :)
    I love you and miss you!

  5. Hope you feel better soon! Naps on the couch are great. :)

  6. So . . . . I know I will never truly feel morning sickness but . . . when I was super sick, I basically had similar symptoms. I threw up every morning and I couldn't do much more than sleep. Eating was a struggle. Again, not the same, but I hope you feel better!

    1. Ugh! Isn't it worse when you don't know how long it's going to last, though? I'm so glad you are done with all that.

  7. If it makes you feel better, I felt the way you do during the whole nine months and the kids told me they loved having simple meals every day. David not so much but he is a grown man he dealt with it by cooking when he could.
    I only wanted smoothies and later on Mexican food and pork, which you can't find here but David told me to enjoy what we did have and to enjoy being pregnant, even though it wasn't a physical good feeling, he explained to me that I was an example to the girls of our love for them, that I would choose to put my body through all that just so I can help a little human grow inside of me.
    Then we took it as a teaching moment for them and it helped a lot.

    .... But I was also allowed being grumpy twice a day and a nap a day. Good luck! I can't wait to find out if it is a little guy or another gorgeous girl!!.

    1. Oh, Belky! 9 month of this! Pure agony. You amaze me. Of course, when they get here, it's worth it. It's just hard to remember that when we feel like this, right? I can't wait to find out boy or girl either! Another 5 weeks, I think.

  8. LOL Oh Sally - Let me know and I'll mail you my nausea pills ASAP. Do whatever you need to feel better. Baths, walks, mint gum for some reason helped me, and do not cook. Let Dustin do it. He cooks well. Or buy food.

    I know how you feel. You know I do. Hang in there. One day at a time was my trick. DO not think about the whole nine months. Just today. Just now. You can do this. It sucks. Totally does. But do what you can. Nothing more. XOXO Sending loves and hugs your way!